Love + Sex w/ Robots

Swiped this from Freakonomics. I really miss cable. Anyway, David Levy (not to be confused with Dahved ‘Rockin’ You’ Levy) was on Stephen Colbert discussing his book style="font-style:italic;">“Love and Sex with Robots: The Evolution of Human-Robot Relationships.” He predicts in about 5 years, humans will be having emotional and sexual relations with AI. It made me think of this ShojoBeat manga about a company who manufactures droids for hire as, well, the perfect mates, hence the title.

There just might be a Night Tenjo in my future for real…

Science of Dating = Science of Self

I just read an article in the New York Times titled Hitting It Off, Thanks to the Algorithms of Love. After all the talk of qualitative methods and psychometric data compilations, it all came down to this: people fare far better using a site that picks matches for them as opposed to sites that allow you to view profiles and pick them yourself. Makes sense. My mother always says ‘be careful what you wish for, you just might get it’ and I’ve learned over and over again that is one of the truest clichés I’ve ever heard. That was easy to understand. The difficult part was the epiphany I came to shortly after wondering aloud why I never have used, nor have any intention of using, those sites. I came to the realization that I might be too afraid to acknowledge who I really am to find love. I mean, what if they match me with someone who’s a real jerk? Or an ecclesiastical conservative Republican? Or a woman?! We all have these idealized (read: Photoshopped) visions of who we are but what if, in having someone find compatible matches for us, we discover we’ve airbrushed ourselves a little too much and not only do we not know what we want, we don’t know who we are? The truth is always difficult to grasp for a myriad of reasons, not the least of which is that it can suck, like really, really, really suck. As in after almost 8 years NOW they wanna come to their senses suck?! And who wants to be depressed? Not I. Therefore I will continue to believe that I’m a heterosexual, liberal, adventurous, logical and kind person who is imaginative, philosophically flexible and a critical thinker.

And tonight’s movie-before-bedtime will be A Scene at the Sea. Again.

I Kid You Not (or reasons NOT to be a member of an online dating site)

This message (poem) came from a guy named ‘Marvin’ (A.K.A. 'Boey2005 from

Miami’)

WHERE WAS YOU

1.....WHERE WAS YOU, WHEN I COULDN'T STOP THANKIN ABOUT YOU?

2.....WHERE WAS YOU, WHEN I WAKE UP AND YOUR NOT THERE?

3.....WHERE WAS YOU, WHEN I CAME HOME AND NEEDED YOUR TOUCH?

4.....WHERE WAS YOU, WHEN ALL I NEEDED WAS TO LOOK INTO YOUR EYES?

5.....WHERE WAS YOU, WHEN, I NEEDED THAT WET KISS, THAT SWEETNESS.?

6.....WHERE WAS YOU, WHEN, YOU PROMISE ME THREE LIFE TIME OF YOU AND ME?

7.....WHERE WAS YOU, WHEN, I NEED THAT RIDE IN THE RAIN, JUST TO READ TO

YOU?

8.....WHERE WAS YOU, WHEN, I CRYED ALL BECUZ I SEE YOUR FACE WHEN I CLOSE MY

EYES?

9.....WHERE WAS YOU, WHEN, I TOUCH MY HEART, HOPING TO FEEL YOU?

10...WHERE ARE YOU, NOW THAT I PRAY TO THE LORD FOR YOU.?

It's hard out here for a pimp...tress

A friend of mine called to tell me of the drama she is experiencing with a guy that would otherwise not even be an option if not for the dearth of "dateable," and I use that non-term loosely and circumstantially, options available. To sum it up, he is starting to give her the cold shoulder and, as most always is the case, for no apparent reason. Her ending statement summed it up: "How do you stutter AND have a small d!ck and still have the nerve to try and play me? I'm fabulous!" While I can't vouch for the former, I can vouch for the latter - she is pretty fabulous. So why be concerned with a stuttering, small d!ck dude in the first place? Well it's one of those can't live with 'em, can't live without some every once in a while type situations. But why, as we get older, get more settled in our careers, advance our education, are we all too often settling for guys that don't deserve the time of day? I mean we could go back and forth with the baby-momma-drama, bi-sexual, love themselves more than anyone else could reasons but really? What happens to our self-esteem that we put ourselves through it? Questions, commentary? Feel free to leave it at the beep...

BEEP!

Online Dating

Regular dating as in randomly meeting men at supermarkets, movies, parties and through friends etc have not been working so I figured what the hell why not try online dating. What exactly do I have to loose? Nothing! Or so I thought because so far I can say that it has been an absolute waste of my time and money. I have gotten a few dates but nothing to get all happy about but the thing that’s crazy is the emails I have gotten. I mean I knew men can be distasteful, however men online are down right ridiculous. It seems hiding behind a year old picture has given them the confidence to be blunt, rude and just blasted… yes I said blasted… BOLD!

But so far I have just ignored and moved on to the next. However I seem to have a stalker from www.interracialmatch.com. For the life of me I do no understand why you would post yourself online and not post a picture. However this one man has continuously emailed me requesting that I email him so he can send me a picture. Well my thought is… if you have to hide your picture …you are either married, a liar, ugly or just someone that I do not need to get mixed up with. I mean he could very well be a nice guy but the continuous emails with no picture are just crazy. As a last attempt to get my attention the following was the last email I got on 1/3/08:

Sunshine _ _ _ _ wrote:

I know that I am writing a lot and I hope that you do not think I am weird. But each time I lay my eyes upon your profile I am hopeful that I will be able to speak with you. You are beautiful and seem to be endowed with all that I would like to spend time with. I realize that I do not have a picture posted and I would be glad to send you one directly. My direct email address is _ _ _ _ _ _ _now2000 at yahoo. Here is a poem I wrote today:

Resting in dark corner of a widow less room
Standing firm in defiance of the obscurity that seems to engulf my every thoughts
A glimpse of light appears
Streaming hope
Beaming warmth
Envisioning her rays covering me
Defeating the cancerous descend into oblivion
Rising above the atrocities of my heart
Rooting out my inner desires
One by one
Into a new order of tranquility
While teasing me with what tomorrow should be?
I would really like to speak to you.


How exactly so I respond to this…faceless man?

Blind Date Gone Bad

This a good example of yet another stupid thing a guy did. WHY WHY WHY would you think asking to grab her booty was cute?

My First FL Date Sucked :(

They say change is good…So I moved to FL to try something new…It’s been quite an experience in many areas. Some positive and others negative. Best things about the move so far? I love my job and my apt….Worst things…I find myself asking: Are these men sane?

So let’s start this off with my first date in FL.

It’s Carnival Saturday night and my girls and I went to Socavivor because it’s WHINING SEASON (Machel Mantano)…lol. So we are at the fete, minding our own business not giving a dam whose is there and why because we are just there to get on bad (yes I am Trini). All of a sudden this Grenadian dude out of nowhere decides to tackle meh in a whining contest. I don’t think he knew what he was in for because I was prepared in shorts and all to do my thing. The night is coming to an end and he asks for my number. So I was thinking let me get a good look at him first before I do. Yes I danced all night and never looked, I didn’t care…I was there to party not get numbers. Anyway I finally turn around and he is wearing a bandana on his head. As a rule I DO NOT like to give numbers to guys who are wearing hats, shades or anything hiding their true features because these things can often turn into a nightmare because they are hiding a flaw.

Mistake 1:

I gave him the number anyway. I was not going to call but two of my BFF’s convinced me to give it a chance.

Mistake 2:

I accepted his phone calls again and again after he clearly bored me to death over the phone.

I am a spunky woman. I like to laugh, dance….basically have a good time. Life is just too short. My thing…clearly is If you can’t have a decent conversation ever how on earth can we have a good time together. Well my friends once again convinced me that maybe he is just NOT a phone person.

Mistake # 3

I agreed to meet him for dinner. Now I am a woman that loves to look nice and I am clearly attracted to men that love to look and smell nice. I mean I really don’t think that it is too much to ask. You know shave, iron your clothes and comb your hair.

WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY did this dude show up unshaved, didn’t comb his hair, wearing sweats and old ass sneakers. Worst of all he is NOT CUTE! The Bandana was clearly hiding his flaws. Truth be told I like Pretty Boys… My instinct said act like you are not _____ and just turn around and leave. But my better judgment kicked in…it just was not polite. I was already pissed and disappointed because I took the time to look presentable but I sat down anyway. It went downhill from there when

1.
We ordered drinks and the waitress called out his date of birth and I calculated it in my head to be 36. I wanted to call him on it because he told me he was 33. DON’T LIE ABOUT YOUR AGE…ITS STUPID. I mean considering my age 36 is ok if you are taking care of yourself.

2.
He still was boring as FUCK. No conversation. Talking to him was like pulling a tooth.

At this point you would think I would go home after dinner but he invited me to go down to the River Front for a drink and maybe dancing. I agreed because he said he would change clothes. WHY did this Negro think sweat pants with “old man Clarks” was a change of clothes. I thought he would have at least put on some jeans, a nice shirt and maybe some shoes or at least CLEAN and NEAT sneakers. No he kept the same pants, same shirt and changed his shoes to the Clarks. Now I like Clarks but the not kind my grandfather would wear.

ANYWAY……. I took my car just in case he did something crazy and I had to leave his behind downtown Ft Lauderdale. We get to the river front and within 5 minutes he is trying to get me drunk and then proceeds to invade my private space. I just met you and yes we danced at socavivor but don’t grind all up on me while you are clearly getting aroused and think it’s gonna be ok. Don’t act like you are my man because other dudes are looking and be all over me and please please please don’t try to touch and kiss me on my neck or some ish like that. If every time you touch me I move your hand it’s a CLEAR Signal DON’T TOUCH ME LIKE THAT! At this point I was so fed up with the date that I started checking out all the other cuties at the bar. At a risk of embarrassing him I told him that I was tired and ready to go. We get to my car and on the drive home he is already planning the next date and I am thinking WTF in my head cause there is no way in hell I am going anywhere again.

TO TOP OF EVERYTHING: home boy wanted me to sleep with him that night? EXCUSE ME? No I do not need any company tonight? I didn’t kiss you, I wouldn’t even let you touch me and you think I am gonna spread my legs….NO its not OPEN SESAME……

Needless to say I dropped him off, drove off like a maniac and text my home girls.

He calls once, I don’t pick up, he calls twice and I politely say I am not interested….he keeps calling for a week until he gets the point.

I just didn’t get it. Why lie to me about your age? Why would you show up looking torn up for a date.? Don’t first impressions count for anything anymore? AND SINCE WHEN is sex on the first date ok? I mean I am not one to put a timeline on when it’s ok. I am about going with the flow but if I won’t let you touch me…why would you think you can penetrate?

Any thoughts?

The teacher

So a friend of mine wanted to hook me up on a blind date. I don't care for blind dates because there is a 50/50 chance that either you'll absolutely love the person your hooked up with or you'll HATE them. Well sadly my story is the latter:

The first time I met blind date, B.D. I wasn't impressed. He was for lack of a better term...rough looking. He was a cutie, but just very rough around the edges. I didn't want to be in the business of upgrading a man but my friend pretty much begged me to give him a chance so I figured "What the hell, how much can it really hurt".

Surprisingly after the first time me and B.D. hung out I thought he was nice. We had a great time hanging out at his house, but even after I left and went home his "roughness" made me nervous. We made a date to go out again to see a movie, but before the movie we went to Uno's to eat. As we were looking at the menu I asked him what he wanted to eat and he said "Nothing, I ate before I left home". I said okay and figured I'd get some nachos so we both could at least snack on them together, while we have a drink, talk and wait for the movie to start. The nachos came and it was a big order so I start eating them and I tell B.D., "come on help me eat this". B.D. looks at me and says "I'm not hungry, didn't I tell you I ate before I left home?" So I said ""yes, but I figured we could just snack on this. B.D. looks at me from across the table and says "Well then what have you learned?" I was about to eat another nacho, but I couldn't because I was sitting there stunned by this question. Not the question itself, but where he was going with it. So I said "I don't know B.D., what did I learn?" So he says, you learned that when I say I'm not hungry it means I'm not hungry"

I smiled, put the half eaten nacho back down on the plate, looked around and said "Check please"

Liar Liar

This story is a bit long, but well worth it...

For the last couple of weeks I began to suspect that my loving wonderful boyfriend was a compulsive liar. How I never saw it before, I don't know. But if I didn't know it before I know it now. Let me paint you a picture:

I'm having lunch with my boyfriend and a group of his friends when one of his friends tells me that my boyfriend bought a kilt. Yes I said kilt, as in a Scottish skirt.Now my boyfriend is black, his family is from the south and the caribbean and he lives in NY. Moving right along...so his friend tells me my boyfriend bought a kilt which is totally weird to me because my boyfriend is about 6'4" and weighs about 300lbs. So I look at my man and trying to hold in my laugh I say "you bought a kilt?" to which he responds "yeah, I did". When we get home later that day I say "babe, lemme see the kilt you bought". He gets out the bed and walks to the closet, looks in the closet, closes the closet...he then proceeds to his mother's room to look for the kilt but the door to her room is locked. When he comes back in the room he says "it's in my mom's room but her door is locked". Okay, no prob.

About 2 days later I'm back at his house and I say "babe, I gotta see the kilt you bought, lemme see it". So again, he gets up, goes to the same closet where it wasn't 2 days before, he opens the closet and comes back empty handed. When he comes back in the room he says "I was just joking, I didn't buy a kilt" (quick translation: "just joking" is compulsive liar speak for "I lied...I never bought a kilt and I was hoping you would stop asking me about it but you keep bringing up that stupid a$$ kilt")

So by this time I have about as much questions floating in my head as you probably do now, such as "Why did you lie about buying (of all things) a kilt?" I can understand a t.v., or an expensive car you can't afford, but a kilt? "Why did you look for the kilt as if you really bought it?" and several other questions that I won't take up your time posting here...

What do you even say to something like that? I don't know I'm still trying to figure this one out.

"I'mma buy you a drank, oooh weee oooh" (c) T-Pain

[Disclaimer: Everything you read in these posts are true stories. Names may have been changed to protect the identities of subjects. Or we just don't remember them. Maybe we never knew their names. Hey, it bees like dat sometimes.]

I've never been the type of person to let a stranger buy me a drink. I don't know, call me crazy, but I always feel as if they would view it as I owe them something (i.e. a dance or 12, the next round, etc...). But there was this one time I did let a guy buy me a drink. Wrote a blog about it. Wanna read it? Here it go:

Tall Brother ("TB") walks over. Smiles, grabs my hand.

TB: Hey. My name is _____. I was wondering if I could buy you a drink.
Me: Ummm, I don't know.

At this point my girlfriends pinch me and chime in. Peer pressure is a mother...

Me: Uh, ok. Why not?
TB: Good. Just wanna put a smile on your face.
Me: (UGH!) Ha ha (Polite laughter = I almost threw up just now.)

We walk to the bar.

TB: This really was a ploy to get you away from your friends. (REALLY?! DUH!) So what are you drinking?
Me: Grey Goose Orange and cranberry.

He calls the bartender over and orders the drink. I think it's odd he doesn't order one for himself but before I could fully ponder this, he assaults me with non-stop small talk and schmoozing. He's trying extra hard to keep my attention but I have drink radar. I see the bartender put the drink down in my peripheral vision and then the unthinkable - TB grabs an empty cup and proceeds to pour half of my drink into it. He's still talking - never stopped actually - when I tap him and ask what he's doing.

Me: Um, excuse me but what are you doing?
TB: (Sheepish grin) Well I didn't know you'd be that expensive and I only have $20.

I take my now-halved drink, turn and walk away.

End scene.

The moral: don't even bother. Just buy them yourself.