They say change is good…So I moved to FL to try something new…It’s been quite an experience in many areas. Some positive and others negative. Best things about the move so far? I love my job and my apt….Worst things…I find myself asking: Are these men sane?
So let’s start this off with my first date in FL.
It’s Carnival Saturday night and my girls and I went to Socavivor because it’s WHINING SEASON (Machel Mantano)…lol. So we are at the fete, minding our own business not giving a dam whose is there and why because we are just there to get on bad (yes I am Trini). All of a sudden this Grenadian dude out of nowhere decides to tackle meh in a whining contest. I don’t think he knew what he was in for because I was prepared in shorts and all to do my thing. The night is coming to an end and he asks for my number. So I was thinking let me get a good look at him first before I do. Yes I danced all night and never looked, I didn’t care…I was there to party not get numbers. Anyway I finally turn around and he is wearing a bandana on his head. As a rule I DO NOT like to give numbers to guys who are wearing hats, shades or anything hiding their true features because these things can often turn into a nightmare because they are hiding a flaw.
Mistake 1:
I gave him the number anyway. I was not going to call but two of my BFF’s convinced me to give it a chance.
Mistake 2:
I accepted his phone calls again and again after he clearly bored me to death over the phone.
I am a spunky woman. I like to laugh, dance….basically have a good time. Life is just too short. My thing…clearly is If you can’t have a decent conversation ever how on earth can we have a good time together. Well my friends once again convinced me that maybe he is just NOT a phone person.
Mistake # 3
I agreed to meet him for dinner. Now I am a woman that loves to look nice and I am clearly attracted to men that love to look and smell nice. I mean I really don’t think that it is too much to ask. You know shave, iron your clothes and comb your hair.
WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY did this dude show up unshaved, didn’t comb his hair, wearing sweats and old ass sneakers. Worst of all he is NOT CUTE! The Bandana was clearly hiding his flaws. Truth be told I like Pretty Boys… My instinct said act like you are not _____ and just turn around and leave. But my better judgment kicked in…it just was not polite. I was already pissed and disappointed because I took the time to look presentable but I sat down anyway. It went downhill from there when
1.
We ordered drinks and the waitress called out his date of birth and I calculated it in my head to be 36. I wanted to call him on it because he told me he was 33. DON’T LIE ABOUT YOUR AGE…ITS STUPID. I mean considering my age 36 is ok if you are taking care of yourself.
2.
He still was boring as FUCK. No conversation. Talking to him was like pulling a tooth.
At this point you would think I would go home after dinner but he invited me to go down to the River Front for a drink and maybe dancing. I agreed because he said he would change clothes. WHY did this Negro think sweat pants with “old man Clarks” was a change of clothes. I thought he would have at least put on some jeans, a nice shirt and maybe some shoes or at least CLEAN and NEAT sneakers. No he kept the same pants, same shirt and changed his shoes to the Clarks. Now I like Clarks but the not kind my grandfather would wear.
ANYWAY……. I took my car just in case he did something crazy and I had to leave his behind downtown Ft Lauderdale. We get to the river front and within 5 minutes he is trying to get me drunk and then proceeds to invade my private space. I just met you and yes we danced at socavivor but don’t grind all up on me while you are clearly getting aroused and think it’s gonna be ok. Don’t act like you are my man because other dudes are looking and be all over me and please please please don’t try to touch and kiss me on my neck or some ish like that. If every time you touch me I move your hand it’s a CLEAR Signal DON’T TOUCH ME LIKE THAT! At this point I was so fed up with the date that I started checking out all the other cuties at the bar. At a risk of embarrassing him I told him that I was tired and ready to go. We get to my car and on the drive home he is already planning the next date and I am thinking WTF in my head cause there is no way in hell I am going anywhere again.
TO TOP OF EVERYTHING: home boy wanted me to sleep with him that night? EXCUSE ME? No I do not need any company tonight? I didn’t kiss you, I wouldn’t even let you touch me and you think I am gonna spread my legs….NO its not OPEN SESAME……
Needless to say I dropped him off, drove off like a maniac and text my home girls.
He calls once, I don’t pick up, he calls twice and I politely say I am not interested….he keeps calling for a week until he gets the point.
I just didn’t get it. Why lie to me about your age? Why would you show up looking torn up for a date.? Don’t first impressions count for anything anymore? AND SINCE WHEN is sex on the first date ok? I mean I am not one to put a timeline on when it’s ok. I am about going with the flow but if I won’t let you touch me…why would you think you can penetrate?
Any thoughts?
2 comments:
Here's a thought - follow your instincts, not the opinions of your friends, even mine. LOL
First of all... That is a novel!! and a very funny one, but also unfortunate, but I think its safe to say that the date was over when you saw him looking extra crazy with those sweats on, stop being polite be real. I deaded this guy once as soon as he opened his mouth. He was clearly a chain smoker and the smell of cigarettes seeped from his pores, I told that fool to get away from me cause I won't even think about talking to someone who smokes. First of all why the hell can I tell that you're a smoker right away... WTF It was terrible, but basically what i'm trying to say is it was the right thing to do although it may not have been the nice thing to do. When I told him that I wouldn't talk to him cause he was a smoker, he even opted to change his life and stop smoking! you might have helped ur crazy looking friend if you told him that he needed to do something about his crazy ass outfit... He might have wanted to change his life too! hahaa
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